I came home from work this evening and said to my wife, "Are we having salad for dinner?"
"Yes we are, how did you know?" she asked.
I replied, "Because I can't hear the smoke alarm."
I was having trouble with my computer at work so I called IT Support...
He said, "Have you tried disabling cookies?"
I said, "Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man?"
An actress who suffered from an inferiority complex was complaining to her psychiatrist. "I'm a nothing!" she cried. "I can't sing. I can't remember my lines. I can't dance, I can't even act. I really don't belong in show business."
"Why don't you quit?" the doctor asked.
"I can't," moaned the actress. "I'm a Star!"
A new celebrity restaurant chain is opening up nationwide. It is a partnership between Kareem Abdul Jabarr, Ryan Coffee, and Sugar Ray Leonard.
They're going to call it: "Coffee with Kareem and Sugar"