My friend: "I work at Google!"
Me: "That's great, I google at work."
Dietitian: Did you follow the course that I have given you 4 weeks ago?
Client: Yes, of course!
Dietitian: So did you lose at least 4lbs ?
Client: No! I lost 4 weeks!
For the first time in many years, a friend of ours traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, my friend couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movie, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"
I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she’s an optician!"