A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.
He says, “Doctor, what is wrong with me?"
The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”
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Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good spelling. So when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to “decifer” them, I had to set him straight. “Decipher is spelled...
Mikey: "I ate a submarine sandwich for lunch and I think I'm going to be sick." Mother: "What makes you say that?" Mikey: "It's starting to surface."
Tech support: “What does the screen say now?” Customer: “It says ‘Hit enter when ready.’” Tech support: “Well?” Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
The neighborhood I lived in had a storm rapidly pass through. When I returned home from work I noticed our outbuilding was gone. Asking my wife about it, her reply was simple...
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
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