Sergeant: "Private, I think the enemy soldiers are hiding in the woods. I want you to go in there and flush them out for us."
Private: "Yes, sir! But if you see a bunch of guys running out the woods, don’t shoot the one in front, sir!"
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A man was putting up a knotty pine wall in the living room. His young son was curious. “What are those holes for?” he asked. “They’re knotholes,” replied the father. “If...
Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly...
"You know, I think everyone should divide their worldly goods with the other fellow," said an office worker to another. "That's a good idea. If you had two thousand dollars wou...
Its time for spring cleaning and I answered the doorbell and discovered a half-dozen vacuum cleaner salesmen who indicated they have appointments to demonstrate their products....
"Where did the car hit him?" the lawyer ask the medical expert. "At the junction of the dorsal and cervical vertebrae," replied the expert. At this point the burly foreman ro...
A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a steamship to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of...
A woman was visiting the zoo when she passed two workmen that were crying. "Why are you guys crying?" she asked. One replied, "One of the elephants just died." "The big el...
A gold-digger had died and all her worldly possessions, including a parrot, were being auctioned off. "What am I offered for this beautiful bird?" "One bean," bid a bystander...
"Did you present the delinquent account to the defendant?" inquired the lawyer of his client. "I did, sir." "And what did he say?" "He told me to go to the hell." "And...
Little Johnny: "Why does it rain, dad?" Father: "To make the flowers grow and the grass and the trees." Little Johnny: "So why does it rain on the sidewalk?"
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