Past Winners

My 5 year old: "Do trees poop?"

Me: "Of course they do, that’s how we get #2 pencils."

My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”

Interviewer: "Your resume says you take things too literally."

Me: “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”

Terry slammed his cards on the table and left the game in a huff.

"Boy," said another player disgustingly, "I really hate playing cards with a bad loser."

"He isn't very pleasant," another player said, raking in the chips, "but it's better than playing with a good winner."