You know what really hurts me inside?
I once went to Barnes & Noble. I asked the lady working there, “Where is the self-help section?”
She said, “That would defeat the purpose.”
What do you call someone who steals energy?
a Joule thief.
"Peter!" his mother scolded. "There were two cookies in the pantry this morning but now there's only one! Do you have an explanation?"
Peter replied, "It must have been too dark and I didn't see the other one."