Past Winners

The dad took his young daughter to the movies. He occupied a seat near the middle of the theater, while the young lady went down to the front row to sit with her friends. The news reel was showing about the raging forest fires in California, which evidently frightened the little girl as she came back to take a seat next to dad.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "Did the fire frighten you?"

"Oh, no," she replied, "the smoke was getting in my eyes."

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion.

My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly bear on each bicep...

She is infringing on my right to bear arms!

Barbara was taking her first skydiving lesson. The instructor told her to jump out of the plane and pull her rip cord, explaining that he himself would jump out right behind her so that they would go down together. Barbara understood and was ready.

Just before it was time for Barbara to jump out of the plane, the instructor reminded her that he would be right behind her. She jumped, and, after being in the air for a few seconds, pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed her out of the plane.

He pulled his rip cord but the parachute didn't open. As he struggled to pull the emergency rip cord, he shot downward and darted past Barbara. Seeing this, Barbara quickly undid the straps to her own parachute, and yelled after him, "So you wanna race, huh?!"