Past Winners

2/8/2018 To 2/15/2018
$50.00 won 11 votes

"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?"
"No sir, it's Google's Pizza."

"Did I dial the wrong number?
"No sir, Google bought the pizza store."

"Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please."
"Okay sir, do you want the usual?"

"The usual? You know what my usual is?"
"According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust."

"Okay, that’s what I want this time too."
"May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?"

"No, I hate vegetables."
"But your cholesterol is not good."

"How do you know?"
"Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years."

"You know what, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and everyone else having all my information! I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me!"

"I understand sir. But you may want to renew your passport... it expired 5 weeks ago."

11 votes

Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Shenghen" |
2/8/2018 To 2/15/2018
$25.00 won 14 votes
 

Mother: "Why did you swallow the money I gave you?"

Son: "Well, you said that the money was for lunch!"

14 votes

CATEGORY Money Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Bhanu Sandesh" |
2/8/2018 To 2/15/2018
$15.00 won 9 votes

He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having attended class reunions in the past without fail. This 60th anniversary of their class, they had a wonderful evening, both of them throwing admiring glances across the table. Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes, yes I will!"

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled. Did she say "Yes" or did she say "No"? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response. With fear he picked up the phone and called her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

She replied, "Why you silly man, I said 'Yes, yes I will!' And I am so glad you called, because I couldn't remember who asked me!"

9 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "RS" |
2/8/2018 To 2/15/2018
$12.00 won 7 votes
rating rating rating rating rating
 

I ate a box of Thin Mints.

I didn’t get any thinner.

I don’t think they work.

7 votes

CATEGORY Food Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "D-Gellybean" |