A husband went to the refrigerator and checked to see what was edible.
He found a salad in a container and called to his wife, “How long has this salad been around?”
She replied, “I don’t know. It’s probably lost its dressing.”
A man had recently moved and was filling out forms at his local police station:
Q: Has your driver's license ever been suspended or revoked?
Q: Have you ever been convicted of a DUI?
"Oh yes, lots of times!"
Q: Have you ever been convicted of a driving-related felony?
"Yeah, three of them."
At this point, the officer stopped to ask: "Well wait a minute, if you have all of these DUIs and felonies, how come your license has never been suspended or revoked?"
The man responds: "Never got one."