Past Winners

I was riding my bike when my good friend Aaron stepped off the curb.

Even though I was able to stop, I ran him over. As he got up and examined his bruises, he asked me why I didn't stop.

"I couldn't," I said. "After all, I was running Aarons!"

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.

"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's."

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier.

"Have you any two watt bulbs?"

"For what?"

"That’ll do, I'll take two."

"Two what?"

"I thought you didn’t have any."

"Any what?"

"Yes please!"

A fellow was given a dirty old lamp for his birthday. He cleaned it up and POOF, out popped a genie!

The genie said, "I shall give you three wishes. You may have anything you like."

The guy thought for a minute and said, "I would like a billion dollars."

"You shall have it," said the genie and he granted him the wish. "Anything else?"

The guy thought for a while and said, "I would like a VW Bug with A/C, power locks, power windows, an incredible radio, you know - and all the works!"

"Your wish is my command," said the genie, making the dream car appear. "What is your last wish?"

"Hmmm. I think I'll save it for a rainy day," answered the birthday boy.

"OK, suit yourself," replied the genie. "I'll wait and listen, ready to answer."

The happy guy got in his new car and drove off to show all his friends. As he turned on the radio, a familiar commercial came on and he began to sing along, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."