Past Winners

Girlfriend: “Let’s go to Utah!”

Boyfriend: “Why Utah?”

Girlfriend: Because I’m Short and Utah!”

I took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow and was told, "This is extremely rare. Do you know what it would fetch in good condition?"

"Dunno," I said. "A stick?"

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my gosh, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"

"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he won't notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.

"Honey!" he yelled. "What the heck is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"

"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."

The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four… By gosh, you're right, dear!"

Teacher: "Now Johnny, can you tell me some of your favorite numbers?"

Little Johnny: "541, 29, 623, 188, 769 and 40."

Teacher: "Very good, Johnny, now I would like you to add your favorite numbers together."

Little Johnny: "Uhm, uh... actually, a couple of numbers I really like are 4 and 1."