My wife packed my bags and told me to leave.
As I was headed out the door, she said, "I hope you live a long and lonely life!”
I replied, "So now you want me to stay?"
An emergency call: "Come quick, my friend was bitten by a wolf!"
Caller: "No, a regular one!"
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!"
Caddy: "I don't think so, sir, that would be too much of a coincidence!"
My family likes to sing carols during the holidays. Alas, I have a cold this year, so when I offered to lead one of the carols, my cousin suggested that I sing away in a manger...
Far, far away, in a manger.