Young Husband (in the early morning): "It must be time to get up."
Wife: "Why do you say that?"
Husband: "Baby's fallen asleep."
"Do you believe marriage is a lottery?"
"No... it's not. In a lottery, a man is supposed to have a chance."
"You should meet my husband. He makes a living with his pen."
"Oh, so he's a writer?"
"No, he raises pigs."
Teacher: "Children, there will be only a half-day of school this morning."
Johnny (in back seat): "Whoopee! Hurray!"
Teacher: "Silence. We'll have the other half this afternoon."