Young Husband (in the early morning): "It must be time to get up."

Wife: "Why do you say that?"

Husband: "Baby's fallen asleep."

"You should meet my husband. He makes a living with his pen."

"Oh, so he's a writer?"

"No, he raises pigs."

Teacher: "Children, there will be only a half-day of school this morning."

Johnny (in back seat): "Whoopee! Hurray!"

Teacher: "Silence. We'll have the other half this afternoon."