On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.
He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.
After dinner one evening a the President was entertaining their house guest by playing the piano.
At one point he turned to the visitor and said, "I understand you love music?"
"Yes," murmured the guest politely. "But never you mind, you keep right on playing..."
Online Teacher: Johnny, you didn't complete the assignment I sent to your email box last week. Did you get the email?
Johnny: You'll have to ask the N.S.A., they read my emails so I don't need to. I figured if an email is important they'll let me know.
Teacher: Tell the N.S.A. they're getting an incomplete on this assignment and they better pay closer attention next time or they'll fail my class.