My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock. It said, “What's the matter, can't you afford a watch? Are you too lazy to lift your arm up, you idiot?“

It was Greenwich Mean Time.

My daughter asked me, "What is a unit a power?"

I replied, "Correct."

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.