My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock. It said, “What's the matter, can't you afford a watch? Are you too lazy to lift your arm up, you idiot?“
It was Greenwich Mean Time.
My daughter asked me, "What is a unit a power?"
I replied, "Correct."
The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.