My pet mouse Elvis died today...
He was caught in a trap.
My wife and I just celebrated her 32nd birthday yesterday.
It was the fastest birthday party we’ve ever had.
I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I don't feel I'm fit enough for the job...
I’ve handed in my 'Too Weak' notice.
I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of Cheddar at me.
Outraged, I shouted: “Well that’s not very mature, is it?!”