If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you leave the bathroom, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?

European.

My horse will only come out of its stable when it gets dark.

It's becoming a night mare.

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.

I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry, no time.”