My pet mouse Elvis died today...
He was caught in a trap.
Whoever stole my anti depressants...
I hope you’re happy now!
My horse will only come out of its stable when it gets dark.
It's becoming a night mare.
A guy, desperate for a drink walks into a candy store. He looks around and after a while the storekeeper says, "Can I help you with anything?"
The guy replies, "Yeah, I really need a drink! Got any liquor?"
"Well, I'm not sure but there is this here," replies the storekeeper.
"What is that?"