My pet mouse Elvis died today...

He was caught in a trap.

Whoever stole my anti depressants...

I hope you’re happy now!

My horse will only come out of its stable when it gets dark.

It's becoming a night mare.

A guy, desperate for a drink walks into a candy store. He looks around and after a while the storekeeper says, "Can I help you with anything?"

The guy replies, "Yeah, I really need a drink! Got any liquor?"

"Well, I'm not sure but there is this here," replies the storekeeper.

"What is that?"

"It's liquor-ish"