word play jokes

Yesterday, I was in the kitchen planning dinner, and noticed that the clock had stopped. That really put me behind for my day, so today I decided that I'd better stop at the store for a AA battery.

I found a clerk, and said "Please point me to where the batteries are, I need one in my kitchen."

The clerk asked, "Is it for a clock?"

I said, "I don't know, that's why I need a battery."

A woman goes into an ice cream shop and asks for two quarts chocolate ice cream.

The counter man says, "I'm sorry, but we're out of chocolate."

So the woman says, "OK, give me a quart of vanilla and a quart of chocolate."

The counter man, a bit exasperated, said, "Ma'am, we're out of chocolate."

So the woman says, "OK, give me a quart of vanilla, a pint of strawberry, and a pint of chocolate."

The counter man, now furious, says, "Ma'am, how do you pronounce the V-A-N in 'vanilla'?"

The woman says, "Van."

The counter man says, "Good. And how do you pronounce the S-T-R-A-W in 'strawberry'?"

The woman says, "Straw."

And the man says, "Great. And how do you pronounce the F-R-E-A-K in 'chocolate'?"

The woman, puzzled, says, "There's no 'freak' in 'chocolate'."

And the man shouts, "That's what I'm saying -- there's no freakin' chocolate!"

The Ding family had a son whom they named William. He grew up to become a famous architect. In fact, he traveled all over the world, designing massive structures.

He was even hired to design entire cities. In fact, skyscrapers were named after him.

That’s why wherever you go, you will usually find at least one Bill Ding.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is.