Latest Jokes

Doctor: Your case is quite complicated.

Patient: Why doctor? What happened?

Doctor: You got a disease from the chapter which I left as optional during my studies.

During a recent power outage my PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, IPAD, and a new surround sound system were all shut down. Also my cell phone battery was dead. To make matters worse it was raining so I couldn't play golf.

So I go to the kitchen to make coffee, OOPS, the coffee maker requires power, so I sit down and talked to my wife for a couple of hours.

You know, she seems like a nice person.

Six retired friends were playing poker when one of them loses $1500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. One of the guys says, “We’ve got to go tell his wife, who’s going to do it?”

They draw straws and Bob picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet and gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse. "Leave it to me," Bob says.

He goes over to his friend’s house and knocks on the door. When the dead man’s wife answers, Bob says, "Your husband just lost $1500 and is afraid to come home."

"$1500? Tell him to drop dead!" snarls the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Bob.

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch. After a long day at work, they are both just resting and relaxing as they watch a tv show.

Husband: "I am feeling thirsty. Can you please get me some water?"

Wife: "Shall I also get you some pizza as well?"

Husband: "Oh wow! That‘d be great, my mouth is already watering."

Wife: "Good, that means you don't need the water anymore then."