Why doesn't The Mummy take vacations?
He's afraid he'll relax and unwind.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver...
It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
The guy who invented the Systane eye drops had his funeral today...
There wasn't a dry eye in the house!
"My computer suddenly started belting out 'Someone Like You.'"
"Because it's A-Dell."