A speaker had a business engagement in a small town a few hours away. The train on which he was traveling was far from fast, and he took every opportunity to keep the conductor informed as to his opinion of the pace.
Finally, frustrated, the conductor blurted out, “If you don’t like it, get out and walk!”
“I would,” the man replied, “but the committee doesn’t expect me until this train gets in.”
Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding.
My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony.
Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
A stranded motorist knocked on the door of an inn named “George and the Dragon.”
“Could you spare a poor stranded motorist a bite to eat?” he asked the woman who answered the door.
“No!” she screamed, slamming the door.
A few seconds later he knocked again. The same woman answered the door.
“Could I please have a bite to eat?” he asked again.
“Get out, you good-for-nothing!” shouted the woman. “And don’t you ever come back!”
After a few minutes there's another knock at the door. The woman comes to the door.
“Pardon,” said the motorist, “but could I have a few words with George this time?”