While shopping at the mall, my husband and I became separated. I went out to the car, but realized I didn't have the keys. I went back into the store where we'd been to look for him.
The woman in charge of the carts smiled knowingly. "Finished before your husband I see," she said. "Well, I have three men waiting over there on the bench... take one. It should all work out even at the end of the day."
The young bullfrog, full of himself, went off to find a wife. He met a cute female porcupine, and quickly fell in love with her.
He told his father about his love, and his father was appalled! "Why would you want to marry a porcupine," he asked, bewildered.
"Well," said the young frog, "the elephant wouldn't have me."
What do you call a scary hardware store?
Harbor Fright!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with Halloween candy!