A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.
"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?"
A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems. The doctor asks him what he's been eating.
"I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."
"I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."
One Sunday after services one of the ladies approached the pastor's wife and commented, "What nice buttons you have sewed onto your sons jacket. My husband once had some like that on his suit."
The pastor's wife replies, "Why thank you for the complement. I get all my buttons out of the collection plate."