Latest Jokes

Mr. Jones: Doc, I can't sleep.

Doctor: You used to count sheep and told me it worked. Any idea why the sheep counting method quit working?

Mr. Jones: When I count the sheep now they're shivering and it's upsetting.

Doctor: When did this problem start?

Mr. Jones: Right after I bought a very warm wool blanket.

I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.

I didn't get pulled over or anything...

I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.

I bought an alarm clock yesterday but I took it back today and asked for a refund, I said to the assistant, "It's not working properly, I set the alarm for 7:30am but it went off at 4:30am."

"I'd like to give you a refund sir, but it's smashed into pieces. How do you explain the damage?" he asked.

I said, "I just told you, it's not working properly and it went off at 4:30am."

Do you enjoy yelling "What?" from the other room?

Then marriage might be for you.