Latest Jokes

Ferne Southern said she was staying with her 8-year-old granddaughter, Brooke, while her parents were out of town.

Brooke was delaying bedtime, as usual, so her grandmother told her about counting sheep to fall asleep.

The 8-year-old thought that was a good idea. Everything was quiet for a while. But just as grandmother was dozing off, a voice sounded:

"Nana?"

"Yes?"

"There are 38."

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen up for me."

In a local restaurant a waitress offered the patron a cup of coffee. He refused, pointed a finger at her and said, "Young lady, don't you know that every single person who drinks coffee dies?"

Flustered, she said, "Really?"

Another customer said, "Hey, Mister. Don't scare the young lady like that. Everyone who does NOT drink coffee dies, too."

"I know," said the first patron. I am studying to be a politician. Half truths, even if what I said is the whole truth, is good enough."

Research shows that men, on average, speak about 10,000 words per day, and women speak about 40,000.

What the research doesn’t tell you is that it’s not that women are actually saying four times as much, they just have to repeat everything that many times because men don’t listen.