Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke I never make the same mistake twice.
I do it like, five or six times, you know, to make sure.
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.
A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man, and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
I had to take a whole load of tree limbs to the dump today in my trailer.
I came to realize that when I prayed for a job as a branch manager, I needed to be a little more specific.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Career-Limiting Move (CLM) - Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops all over everything, and then leaves.
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" "Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man."
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