Latest Jokes

$15.00 won 7 votes
 

I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."

7 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Danny Jackson" |
4 votes

So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?”

She said, "Ammonia cleaner."

I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

4 votes

posted by "Danny Jackson" |
2 votes
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Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer.

Thereisnospacebar.

2 votes

CATEGORY Puns
posted by "Danny Jackson" |
2 votes

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from ceiling with stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal.

2 votes

CATEGORY Baby Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |