Latest Jokes

My husband's expanding waistline was a sore subject, but I could no longer ignore it, especially since he's still young and handsome.

"Honey," I said, using a seductive voice, "If you lose 20 pounds, I promise to dance for you."

Using his sarcastic voice, he shot back, "Lose ten pounds and I'll watch."

What is the opposite of stand up comedy?

A Sitcom.

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis.

The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it, I want to prolong it!"

Boy 1: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?"

Boy 2: "I ate some Easter candy."

Boy 1: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."

Boy 2: "It will if it's your big brother's candy!"