Latest Jokes

3 votes

At a mental health hospital a psychiatrist sets a test to determine the mental progress of his three top patients. He gets three chairs and repaints them. Before they dry, he re-positions them in a room in such a way that one is in front of the other.

After this, he calls the three patients and asks them to seat down. The first two gladly sit on the wet chairs at the front. However, the third who comes in last takes one look at the wet chair and then proceeds to the corner of the room where there is a pile of papers. He takes one sheet which he drapes on the wet chair before sitting.

Surprised by the action of the third, the doctor asks him why he draped the sheet of paper on the wet chair.

“That's easy," came the reply, "seeing that I am seated at the back, I needed to be a bit raised if I wanted to see what's happening at the front."

3 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
$5.00 won 4 votes

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asked.

“135,” I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, “Your height?”

“5 foot 4,” I said.

The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5 foot 2 inches. She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I screamed. “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”

4 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
2 votes

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

8. You ask for soft, high fiber candy only.

7. Someone drops a candy bar in your bag and you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.

5. The door opens, you yell "Trick or..." but you can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You keep having to go home to use the bathroom.

2 votes

CATEGORY Holiday Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |
$6.00 won 5 votes
 

What's a robot's favorite snack?

Computer chips!

5 votes

CATEGORY Computer Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "eslippin" |