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Favorite this joke A dude sits in a pub, watching this guy guarding a stretch of floor.
Every so often somebody tries to cross it when he socks them in the face and sends them staggering backwards. The stretch he's guarding is so long that he has to leap backwards and forwards along it, building up a sweat.
Perplexed, the dude watches while this happens six times, and in the end, he finishes his drink and decides to ask this guy what the deal is.
"Sir!" he says. "What is it that you're guarding back there?"
"Not guarding anything," the dude replies.
"Surely you are! I've seen you belt the crap out of six people! Is it money? Or alcohol?"
"Neither of those," the guy replies.
"Is this a show of manliness?"
"It's not that either."
"So what is it then? And why do you keep leaping backwards and forwards? You look exhausted!"
The guy points to the floor, where the dude sees a thin, black line drawn in sharpie.
"This is the punch line," he says. "And it's been drawn out way too long."
Little Johnny's mother: "Johnny, your teacher mailed me a permission slip so she could offer you the part of a marionette in the school play and I signed it."
Little Johnny: "I know and she offered me the part but I turned it down. You never want to play a part that has that many strings attached."
Hey, have you heard about the latest anonymous sperm bank being established by the State of Indiana?
It will be called "Hoosier Daddy!"
A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."
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