I walked into the liquor store and a guy working there asked me, “Do you need help?”
I said, “Yes, but I’m here to get whiskey instead.”
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”