I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which ten items would you like to buy?"
I took my bicycle to the liquor store the other day. I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So, I drank all the vodka and then headed home.
It turned out to be a really good decision, because I fell nine times on my way home.
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says, "Put 'You're not getting older,' at the top and 'You're getting better' at the bottom."
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You're not getting older at the top, You're getting better at the bottom."