misc jokes
Favorite this joke A customer called his car-rental company and said he needed a tow. The driver named the highway where he was stranded, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving.
The representative asked for a more detailed description beyond "a blue four-door sedan".
After a pause, the driver replied, "Well, it's the one on fire."
What do you do when you see Dracula?
You hope he doesn’t see you!
Two women are talking in a park. The first one says, "See my new diamond ring? My husband bought it for me."
The second one answers, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"
The first one continues, "And see that shiny new car parked over there? My husband bought it for me."
The second one replies, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"
The first one reveals, "And you know that big white house at the top of the hill? My husband is gonna buy that for me."
The second one answers, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"
The first one apologizes, "Oh, I'm sorry, here I am, going on and on about myself! Tell me, what have you been up to?"
The second one responds, "Well, I've just completed a course on politeness."
The first one asks, "A course on politeness? Why would you spend time on something like that?"
The second one answers, "Because I used to say, 'Who gives a damn?' but now I say, 'Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!'"
6th Place
won
$9.00
Two aliens were strolling around a small town in the US when they had a sudden urge to taste some Earth food. Having no Earth currency, they decided to steal two chocolate bars from a shop. So they walked into the shop and when they thought the shopkeeper wasn’t looking, they slipped the chocolate bars into the pockets of their space suits and hurriedly left.
But they had only gone a few yards when they heard the shopkeeper shout, “Hey! You haven’t paid for those!”
They ran back to their mothership as fast as their alien legs would carry them and just managed to climb through the doors of the craft before the shopkeeper could catch them. In the sanctuary of the craft, one of the young aliens turned breathlessly to the other and said, “I don’t know how that shopkeeper saw us stealing.”
“Me neither,” said the other. “He must have eyes in the front of his head.”
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