misc jokes

On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions - Use like regular soap.

On some Schwan frozen dinners: Serving suggestion - Defrost.

On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: The product will be hot after heating.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions - Open the packet. Eat nuts.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase is necessary. Details inside.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

You do not need a parachute to go skydiving...

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

A magical genie suddenly appears.

GENIE: "I grant you 10 wishes."

ME: "Isn't it usually just 3?"

GENIE: "Yes, but you've got a lot of issues going on here."

- Fell out of the family tree.

- Forgot to pay his brain bill.

- Goes surfing in Nebraska.

- Golf bag doesn't have a full set of irons.

- Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.

- He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.