misc jokes

I bought an alarm clock yesterday but I took it back today and asked for a refund, I said to the assistant, "It's not working properly, I set the alarm for 7:30am but it went off at 4:30am."

"I'd like to give you a refund sir, but it's smashed into pieces. How do you explain the damage?" he asked.

I said, "I just told you, it's not working properly and it went off at 4:30am."

A funeral procession is going up a steep hill on Main Street when the door of the hearse flies open, the coffin falls out, speeds down Main Street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter.

The lid pops open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"