misc jokes

''I’m getting a divorce,'' said Jack to his mate, Bill. ‘The wife hasn’t spoken with me for six months.''
Bill thought for a moment and then replied,’ Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find''

Explanation of Microsoft computer messages

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

Two men were talking about golf. One of them said, "I shoot in the 70's." The other replied, "That's great!" The first one said, "Yeah, if it gets any cooler than that, I go to the clubhouse."

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, Morris mailed
off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton
in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the
many products the same company produced: soaps, detergents,
tooth paste, and paper items... with a "thank you" note from
the manufacturer.
"Well, What do you think?" asked his smiling wife, Ruth.

"I think that next time," Morris replied. "I'm writing to
General Motors."