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Anonymous

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Member Since : Jan, 2000
# of jokes posted : 3647
# of followers : 2
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
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Being airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening Air
Lingus​ flight from ​Dublin​, the lead flight attendant​ nervously made the
following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has
been a terrible mix-up... one minute prior to take-off, by our catering
service..., I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers
on board, and..., unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals... I
truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued..., "Anyone who is
kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will
receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 4 hour flight.”

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later... "If anyone would like to
change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

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CATEGORY Airplane Jokes
posted by "Anonymous" |
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An Alien, upon landing on earth, approached a bird on a branch. “Can you please direct me to a hotel?
The bird replied, “Cheep, cheep.”
“Well, it’d better be,” answered the alien. “It cost me a fortune to get here!”

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CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Anonymous" |
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One afternoon, a woman was gardening when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. She could tell from his collar and well-fed stomach that he had an owner. But when she walked into the house, he followed her, sauntered down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. Almost an hour later, he went to the door, and she let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for a few days. Curious, the woman pinned a note on his collar: “Every afternoon your dog has been coming to my house and taking a nap.”
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “Cloud lives in a home with five children…he’s just trying to catch up on his sleep.”

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CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Anonymous" |
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In a small town the veterinarian, who was also the chief of police, was awakened by the telephone. “Please hurry!” said the woman’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Do you need the police or a vet?” he asked. “Both,” the woman replied. “I’m not able to get my dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar’s leg in it.”

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CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Anonymous" |