Bob meets Bill at the bar after work and is looking down in the dumps.
"What's wrong now Bob," asked Bill.
Bob replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for."
"Yeah, so what's the problem with that," asks Bill.
Bob sighs, "Well, it seems I'm best suited for unemployment."
Bob was sitting on the plane at Cleveland waiting to fly to Chicago, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale hands shaking in fear.
"What's the matter, afraid of flying?" Bob asked.
"No, it's not that. I've been transferred to Chicago. The people are crazy there, right? Lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor schools, and the highest crime rate in the USA."
Bob replied, "I've lived in Chicago all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. I've worked there for 14 years and never had the slightest trouble."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you've lived and worked there all those years and say its OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck..."
This guy had a problem of oversleeping. He was always late for work, and his boss was getting mad. So he went to the doctor and got some pills that were supposed to help. That night he slept well and woke up even before the alarm. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.
"Boss," he said, "the pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"
"That's fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"