John and I were putting a roof on a barn we were building. We hauled up all the shingles and roofing nails before we began working on the roof. As John brought up the last of the supplies he slipped and accidentally kicked over the ladder. I told him not to worry as someone would surely come by before the day was done.
We worked all day on the roof and finished it just before sundown. I told John that since no one had come by to pick up the ladder for us we were going to have to jump down. John said we could jump into the pigpen and the mud would break our fall. Looking down at the mud I asked John how far we would sink into the mud. John said it would come up to about our ankles.
With that I jumped and sank into the mud up to my neck. "Hey!" I yelled at John. "I thought you said it would only come up to my ankles?"
John replied, "So who told you to jump feet first?"
John and I were putting the siding on a barn we were building. I noticed John would take nails out of his pouch, hammer in a few and throw a few away.
I asked him why he was throwing so many nails away. He said he was throwing them away because they had the heads on the wrong end.
I shook my head and said, "John! Don't you know anything about carpentry? Those nails are for the other side of the building!"
After football fans in one particular city were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, “Everyone should call in and give one word for that game.”
“What’s your word?” the host replied.
“Bored out of my mind,” said the caller.
My boss called me into his office today.
“We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?”
“Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.