Man walks into the barbershop, sits down in the chair and the barber asks, "How do you want your haircut?"
The man says, " I would like the sideburns one high and one low, a few long hairs sticking out of the back and a few chunks on the side and top."
The barber looks puzzled and says, "I'm not sure I can do that."
The customer says, "Why not, you did it that way last time."
One day on his way to work, a man stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain. Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave.
"That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded. Abashed at his mistake, he left and walked to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived. Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the day.
That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier. She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked, "You did real well for yourself today, didn't you?"
Johnny paid his way through college by being a waiter in a restaurant.
"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.
"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."
"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.
"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.