work jokes

Joe, a lifetime miner, was working in the depths of the mine, as he usually did. Suddenly he started to feel confused and babbled nonsensically.

His fellow miners sent a message to a nearby hospital to send an ambulance to check on the confused worker.

When Joe reached the exit and stumbled out of his workplace, an ambulance driver confirmed Joe’s problem when he cried out: "Look, Joe’s out of his mine!"

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one... or consult a twelve year old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination. There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs:

Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.

Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.

Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.

Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.

Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.

Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.

Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.

Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.

Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.