A truck loaded with a thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the Interstate yesterday, shedding it's load across the highway.
You should've seen it, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed!
After months of searching, Pat found a job in electrical engineering. Pat traveled to various locales to analyze and fix problems with his company’s equipment. Yet it frustrated him that his employer gave him little training.
One day Pat heard about some training classes coming up and asked his boss if he might attend.
“For sure,” his boss said. “I was already planning on sending you."
"Oh yes, who do you think is going to be teaching it?”
How do you fire woodworkers?
Tell them they’re finished.
How do you fire watch repair people?
Tell them their time is up.
How do you fire teachers?
Tell them they’re dismissed.
How do you fire authors?
Tell them it’s The End.
How do you fire lumberjacks?
Give them the ax.
How do you fire garbage collectors?
Tell them they’re canned.
How do you fire gift-wrappers?
Tell them the job is all wrapped up.
Another man and I share a locker at work. Noticing that it needed a new combination lock, my partner said he would pick one up on his way to work the next day. It occurred to me later that I might not see him in the morning. How would I find out the combination?
I needn't have worried.
When I arrived at work I found that he had used the locker before me and had left a note reading: "To find the first number subtract 142 from your high score the last time we went bowling. The second number is 16 less than that. To find the third number subtract 1.87 from the amount you owe me."