Wife: "You remember when you bought me this blue dress?"
Husband: "I don't remember."
Wife: "It was on my birthday! And this red gown?"
Husband: "On your birthday?"
Wife: "No... on our anniversary! Don't you remember?"
Husband: "Honey, I'm not good at remembering colors or dresses. I better at remembering prices, those I remember very well!"
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You do not want to try these techniques at home!"
"Why not?" asked a man from the audience.
"After years of not paying attention, I suddenly noticed my wife's routine at breakfast," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets; often she carried just a single item at a time. So I asked her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once? It'd be much more efficient.'"
"Well, did your suggestions save much time?" the attendee asked.
"Actually, yes," the efficiency expert responded. "It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
A man had been in a meeting that lasted all afternoon and as he walked out, he was tired and just wanted to go home. He reached into his coat pocket and realized his car keys were missing. He looked around but could not find his keys. He went outside to look in the car and discovered his car was gone too.
His car had been stolen. So he called the police, they came and took a report, and then the man called his wife to see if she would be able to come pick him up. She answered the phone and he told her the upsetting news. "Honey, you’re not going to believe this but my car was stolen while I was in the meeting."
There was a long pause, "I dropped you off at your meeting today. I have the car!" she said.
"Oh, that's right! I can't believe I forgot that. I'm glad the car is okay. Well, will you still come back and pick me up?"
She said, "Yes, of course I will. As soon as I convince this cop the car is not stolen."