It was close to the beginning of a local lecture series when the usher announced, "There are only two single seats available."
"But you wouldn't separate a daughter from her mother, would you?" politely ask the older of two women who were waiting to be seated.
"You're quite right, madam, I wouldn't," replied the usher. "I did that once and I've been regretting it every since."
My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company. One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.
One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us."
There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, "Honey, it's for you... someone wants to talk to you about your relatives."
A very drunk man turns up at his house at 6 o'clock in the morning with his hair and clothes disheveled. His long suffering wife, who has been waiting up all night, shouts at him furiously, "I hope you have a good reason for getting home blind drunk at this time of the morning!"
"Yes," replied the man, "I was hoping for some breakfast!"