marriage jokes

Category: "Marriage Jokes"
3 votes

Feeling listless, I bought some expensive "brain-stimulating" pills at the health food store. But it wasn’t until I got home that I read the label.

"This is just rosemary extract," I complained to my husband. "I can’t believe I spent all that money for something that I have growing wild in the yard!"

"See?" he said. "You’re smarter already."

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "stee" |
2 votes

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. "Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?" I asked.

"What’s the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a week."

"So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you around."

2 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "srg" |
3 votes

My wife and I were having a very hypothetical discussion... In the unlikely event that Hollywood made a movie based on our lives, we wondered what stars would play us.

"Who would you pick to portray you?" she asked me.

I thought about it for a minute, then answered, "George Clooney."

"In that case," she said, "I’ll play myself."

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Mary" |
5 votes

When we finished a personality assessment at work, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife.

"That would require me to go home and say, ‘Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me,’" he said.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked.

"Well, based on that, and considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d probably hand me a bill for $798,000."

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "sravanthi" |