My wife said, "Honey I didn’t marry you for your good looks, because you’re not so handsome, and I didn’t marry you for your money either because we’re always broke, I married you for your brain, BECAUSE it’s the little things that count."
As a member of the Marine Corps, a man was stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms Base in California. Among those serving there was a private who was determined not to re-enlist. At inspection one morning, the officer asked him, "Are you married, son?"
"No, sir," he replied. "Engaged."
"There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"
"With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "... a divorce!"
James comes home to find his wife Rachel sobbing bitterly. "Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry," she sniffles. "I was ironing your suit and went to answer the phone and ended up burning a big hole right in the seat of your pants!"
"There, there, darling," James replies, gently patting her shoulder. "All is well. I have another pair of pants to go with that suit."
"I know," Rachel sniffles. "I used them to patch the hole."