Wife: "Do you want to eat something?"
Me: "Maybe, what are the options?"
Wife: "Yes or no!"
Why are men with pierced ears well prepared for marriage?
Because they have already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
I was married by a judge...
I should have asked for a jury.
Moe: "My wife converted me to religion."
Moe: "Yes. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."