A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief. After he came home she'd start right in on him again.
After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:30. His wife asked him how come he was home early. He told her, "You need to pack your bags and go to Herb's house, I lost you to him in the card game tonight."
His wife became furious and started to give him hell. She said, "Just how could you do such a thing!?"
He replied, "It was the hardest thing I ever done... I had to fold with king hi four aces."
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you that we found your wife at the bottom of the ocean. She had passed away. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her backside was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."