marriage jokes
Favorite this joke There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped."
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"
The first fellow does just that. The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"
"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"
Seeing her friend Marcia wearing a new locket, Ashley asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Marcia, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive?”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself.
Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!"
The next day, Carl calls again, resulting in the same sequence of events.
The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period! We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?"
"Well Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough."
Deciding to give his wife a pleasant surprise, the husband took home some flowers and a box of candy. "Hazel, you look tired," he said to his wife. "Slip on your best outfit and lets go out to eat."
Hazel bursts into tears. "It was bad enough to have the baby fall down the back steps and burn my hand in the kitchen," she sobbed, "but to have you come home intoxicated is just too much!"
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