A man is walking through the forest when he discovers a gnome. “If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.

He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms. Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”

“Why?” asked the man, smiling.

“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today.

She didn't show up.

That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

A very small boy was trying to lead a big St. Bernard up the road.

"Where are you taking that dog, little man?" asked a man watching the struggle.

"I"m going to see where he wants to go," was the breathless reply.

"Those are fighting words where I come from!"

"Well, then why don't you fight?!?!"

"Cause I ain't where I come from!"