money jokes

Son: Dad... can I have $450 to buy a moped?

Dad: Son, listen to me very carefully. Due to the escalation of my personal monetary obligations brought on by spiraling inflation and the ever-fluctuating ramifications of the Petro-dollar, it behooves me to rule in the extreme negative when responding to my male issue.

Son: Huh?!? I don’t get it!

Dad: Exactly.

Sally: Hmmm... there was something else I had to buy, and I can’t think of it.

Mary: Was it tuna fish... or cereal… or sugar… or coffee?

Sally: No, none of those things. Especially not coffee! I don't drink that awful stuff, it makes me nervous!

Mary: They have decaffeinated coffee, you know?

Sally: It's not the caffeine that makes me nervous... it’s the price!

Joe: You know that hundred bucks I borrowed from you? I bet you thought I was a dead beat! Well, Frank, I’m not…and here’s the hundred back.

Frank: I—I don’t believe it!

Frank’s wife: I believe it!! And I need fifty of that to buy a new Mix-Master!!

Frank’s son: And I need thirty-five for a new tire for my Honda!

Frank’s daughter: And I need fifteen for new jeans!

Frank: Well, Joe, I gotta tell you, when I lent you that money, I figured I’d never get it back…and I was right!

Husband: For Pete’s sake, can’t you keep one lousy check book straight?!?

Wife: Now, hold it a darn second! I got myself a pocket computer and I meticulously added every deposit and subtracted every check! So I don’t believe you when you say I made a mistake!

Husband: Oh yeah? I’ll bet you money that you’re overdrawn!

Wife: Okay, how much do you want to bet?!?

Husband: Sixty-three dollars and twenty-seven cents!!