money jokes

A spiritual leader asked his pupils if they saw a $20 bill and a $100 bill on the floor which one they’d pick up.

Nobody answers but finally one guy meekly blurts out, “$100.”

The spiritual leader simply says, “I see.”

After a small pause, of his pupil asks him, “Which one would you have picked up, oh Wise One?”

Looking straight into his eyes the leader answers, “I’d have picked up both.”

I haven't sold any copies of my autobiography...

That's the story of my life.

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year...and you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "Didn't I mention? We deliver anywhere..."