A spiritual leader asked his pupils if they saw a $20 bill and a $100 bill on the floor which one they’d pick up.
Nobody answers but finally one guy meekly blurts out, “$100.”
The spiritual leader simply says, “I see.”
After a small pause, of his pupil asks him, “Which one would you have picked up, oh Wise One?”
Looking straight into his eyes the leader answers, “I’d have picked up both.”
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year...and you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "Didn't I mention? We deliver anywhere..."