money jokes

A customer goes to the bank to make a deposit.

Teller: "Sorry sir. This $100 bill is a fake one. We cannot accept it."

Customer: "What's the big deal? I'm depositing it into my account, right?"

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?"

His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you."

The man goes, "Are my children here?"

"Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

"Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The man sits up and says, "Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

I went to my bank's ATM to check my balance...

It printed me out a coupon for Ramen Noodles.

Humpty: I want to paint my bicycle but i don't have money to buy the paint!

Dumpty: Once when i needed money i sold my watch. Why don't you sell your watch and get the money?

Humpty: No, not my watch! It belonged to my grandfather. But you have given me an idea.

The Next Day...

Humpty: I got the paint!

Dumpty: Then why are you looking so unhappy? Don't tell me you sold your watch!

Humpty: No, not the watch.

Dumpty: Then what did you sell?

Humpty: The bicycle!