Compact disc manufacturers were worried about music industry plans to phase out CDs and bring back LPs. Defending the threat to their livelihood, the CD manufacturers took their case to court, where the judge listened patiently to a lengthy debate about the relative merits of CDs and LPs.
After weighing up the various arguments, the judge ruled in favor of LPs.
The CD manufacturers were furious. “Do we have no right of appeal?” they demanded.
“I’m afraid not,” said their lawyer. “The judge’s decision is vinyl.”
A deaf old lady went to the doctor to find out whether there was any risk of her getting pregnant again.
He told her, “Mrs. Marx, you’re seventy-five. Whilst one can never rule out an act of God, if you were to have a baby it would be a miracle.”
When she got home, her husband asked her what the doctor had said.
“I didn’t quite catch it all,” she admitted, “but it sounded a bit fishy; something about an act of cod, and if I had a baby it would be a mackerel.”
A man was complaining to his friend: “I’m sick of the police telling me how to drive when they themselves are worse drivers.”
“How do you mean?” asked the friend.
“Well, just look at how many signs you see by the side of the road saying, ‘Police Accident’.”