For the second week in a row, my son and I were the only ones who showed up for his soccer team’s practice.

Frustrated I told him, “Please tell your coach that we keep coming for practice, but no one is ever here.”

My son rolled his eyes and said, ”He’ll just tell me the same thing he did before.”

“Which was?”

“That practice is now on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays.”

Donald: I’d like to tell you a joke about the measles, but I’d better not.

Mike: Why not?

Donald: You know how those things spread.

Biology Teacher: Did you know that you have 60,000 miles of blood vessels in your body?

Little Johnny: No wonder I have tired blood.

Patient: Lately I’ve had the feeling that everyone wants to take advantage of me.

Doctor: That’s nonsense.

Patient: Really? Thank you very much, doctor. I feel so much better now. How much do I owe you?

Doctor: How much have you got?