Two aliens were strolling around a small town in the US when they had a sudden urge to taste some Earth food. Having no Earth currency, they decided to steal two chocolate bars from a shop. So they walked into the shop and when they thought the shopkeeper wasn’t looking, they slipped the chocolate bars into the pockets of their space suits and hurriedly left.

But they had only gone a few yards when they heard the shopkeeper shout, “Hey! You haven’t paid for those!”

They ran back to their mothership as fast as their alien legs would carry them and just managed to climb through the doors of the craft before the shopkeeper could catch them. In the sanctuary of the craft, one of the young aliens turned breathlessly to the other and said, “I don’t know how that shopkeeper saw us stealing.”

“Me neither,” said the other. “He must have eyes in the front of his head.”

A man phoned to find out whether he could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted...

They assured him he would be covered.

A man was crossing the road when he was hit by a car, which then sped off. A police officer asked the injured man, ”Did you get a look at the driver?”

”No,” he said, “but I can tell you it was my ex-wife.”

“How do you know that?” asked the officer.

“I’d recognize her laugh anywhere!”

What happened when two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident?

They were worried about the four casts.