A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.”

“When did these start?”

“Next Thursday.”

Why did the doctor carry out blood tests on the secretarial candidates?

So that he could eliminate type-O's.

One morning my wife asked our four-year-old son, Jud, what he wanted for breakfast.

”Soup,” he said.

“Son, we don’t eat soup for breakfast. We eat soup for lunch. So what would you like for breakfast?”

“Lunch,” he replied.

A terminally ill man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. ”Give it to me straight, doc, ” he said. ”How long have I got?”

The physician replied that he doubted whether the man would survive the night.

So the man said, ”Fetch me my lawyer.”

When the lawyer arrived, the man asked the physician to stand on one side of the bed while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then closed his eyes. After a few minutes, the physician asked him what he was thinking about.

The man replied, ”Jesus died with a thief on either side. I thought I check out the same way.”