My mother and father were driving when she was pulled over by the police. Mom was in a hurry and told the officer so.

“I understand ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.”

Mom was beside herself. “That’s discrimination!” she shouted.

The officer explained calmly, “Ma'am, I meant the speed limit.”

Science teacher: "Does anyone here know what sodium hypobromite is?"

Student: "NaBrO!"

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies.

Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.”

His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

I was standing in a lunch line with my husband when the guy in front of us looked down at my very pregnant belly, smiled, and asked, “What are you having?”

My impatient husband replied, “A steak sandwich.”