What does one wildebeest say to another wildebeest say at the beginning of each year?
“Happy Gnu Year!”
A friend of mine one day hadn’t eaten in over twelve hours. He says to me, “Man, I’m hungry!”
I quickly reply, “I thought your name was Alfred, not hungry?"
I walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a Screwdriver.
He disappears and reappears twenty minutes later with a Philips Head screwdriver.
I look at him aghast and say, “What would you have done if I asked for a Bloody Mary?”
Me: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Stranger: "To get to the other side."
Me: "No. To get the Chicken Newspaper. You get it?"
Me: "I don't get it either... I get The Miami Herald."