Jack: "Do you know how long fish should be cooked?"
Jill: "Probably the same as short fish."
What does one wildebeest say to another wildebeest say at the beginning of each year?
“Happy Gnu Year!”
A friend of mine one day hadn’t eaten in over twelve hours. He says to me, “Man, I’m hungry!”
I quickly reply, “I thought your name was Alfred, not hungry?"
I walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a Screwdriver.
He disappears and reappears twenty minutes later with a Philips Head screwdriver.
I look at him aghast and say, “What would you have done if I asked for a Bloody Mary?”