Farmers Brown & Jones had adjoining farms for years and didn't get along at all.
One night after supper, Farmer Brown knocked on Farmer Jones's door. When Farmer Jones answered the door, Farmer Brown said, "I know we don't talk often, but I wanted you to know that our mule just died today."
Farmer Jones replied, "I'm certainly sorry to hear that, but I am wondering why you came over here to tell me?"
"Because," Farmer Brown said, "you're always supposed to notify the next of kin."
A farmer lived on a quiet, rural highway. As time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. It became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six chickens a day. A call to the sheriff resulted in signs being put up near the farmer's land that said "Slow: School Crossing." Chickens were still being run over. The sheriff had the signs changed to say "Slow: Children at Play." Again no change.
"Look, your signs are just not working. Mind if I put up one of my own?" asked the farmer. The Sheriff agreed. Three weeks later, the Sheriff decided to see if the new sign was working because he had not received anymore complaints. Upon close inspection, the sheriff saw the new sign that was making a difference. Written on a whole sheet of plywood were the words... "Slow: Nudist Colony."
These two guys out hunting find a hole in the woods that's about three feet across, but it's so deep that when they drop a rock, they hear no sound. So they drop a bigger rock, but they still hear nothing.
So they go looking for something larger, and they find a railroad tie, haul it over to the hole, and heave it in. It also disappears without a sound.
Suddenly a goat comes running up at about sixty miles an hour and dives headfirst into the hole. And there's still no sound. Nothing.
Suddenly a farmer appears from the woods and says, "HEY! You fellas seen my goat around here?"
And they say, "Well, there was a goat just ran by here real fast and dove into this hole here."
"Naw," says the farmer, "that couldn't be my goat. My goat was tied up to a railroad tie."
In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her peace.
When she was done, one of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?"
Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!"