A woman is worried about an older woman, a widow, who lives in the apartment next door. She hasn't heard anything from her for a few days.
So she tells her son, "I want you to go next door and see how ol' Mrs. Williams is."
A few minutes later, the boy returns.
"Well, is she all right?" the mother asks.
"She's fine, but she's annoyed with you," he says.
"At me? Whatever for?"
"Well," says her son, "Mrs. Williams told me it's none of your business how old she is."
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?"
Little Johnny replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn, because I was taking too long to place my order.
"Take the high road," I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window, I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food, too.
Lesson: Don't honk your horn at old people.