What do you call a dead magician?

An abra-cadaver.

Two guys walking on the beach found an old brass lamp. The first guy immediately started rubbing it and, sure enough, a Genie popped out! Before he could say anything at all, the Genie turned him into a crab.

The other guy was horrified and shouted, "Oh my gosh! Why did you do that?"

The Genie said, "Aww, he just rubbed me the wrong way."

I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.

But he just won't listen.

I went to a Russian Bee Gees cover band concert last week...

The KGBG's.