Store owner: "Thank you for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."
Customer: "Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised. You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."
Store owner: "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred customers liek you."
Two opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat.
After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?"
"Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby."
A guy and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over 11 years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be at the shop?" the man asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," he said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped in the car and drove to the shoe shop. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding," the customer called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time?"
The man came back to the counter, empty handed. "They'll be ready on Thursday," he said calmly.