Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out...
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the neck.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Happy: Paid too much.
Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.
I had to take a whole load of tree limbs to the dump today in my trailer.
I came to realize that when I prayed for a job as a branch manager, I needed to be a little more specific.
A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returned from his assignment to Israel. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Israelis?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch. But I had a problem. I didn't know how to speak Hebrew. So I planned to convey the message through three posters. First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand, totally exhausted and fainting. Second poster: The man is drinking Coca-Cola. Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed. And then these posters were pasted all over the place."
"Terrific! That should have worked!" said the friend.
"Well," began the salesman, "no one told me they read from right to left."
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work, but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."