As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.
Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."
A ill business owner was discussing with his lawyer a final draft of his last will and testament.
"Well," as he was discussing with his lawyer, "I want to put in a clause for my employees. To those that have worked for me for 20 years or longer I want to give and bequeath the amount of $50,000."
His Lawyer reminded him that he has not been in business 20 years. The business owner replied, "I know, but it's going to be great advertising!"
A store owner was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up on his left and erected a huge sign which read, "BEST DEALS".
He was shocked when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading, "LOWEST PRICES".
Panic ensued until he had an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read, "MAIN ENTRANCE".