A newspaper editor announces that there's enough money in the budget to install a newsroom chandelier. The reporters huddle and send a spokesman to say they're against it.
"Against it? Why?" the editor asks.
"First," the reporter says, "no one on the staff can spell 'chandelier' well enough to put it on an order form. Second, I don't believe that anybody here can play one if we had it. And third, if you got that much money, we think you should get a hanging light instead, to brighten up the office!"
"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting."
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"