An applicant was filling out a job application. He came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"
He wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway... "Never got caught."
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations...
On a door: "Push. If that doesn't work, pull. If that doesn't work, we must be closed."
Message on a leaflet: "If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons."
Outside a photographer's studio: "Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also."
In a store: "Prices subject to change according to customer's attitude."
Next to a swimming pool: "Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no 'p' in it. Let's keep it that way."