If you had purchased $1,000 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have less than $11.00 of the original $1,000.
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00.
But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00
Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg Plan.
Store owner: "Thank you for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."
Customer: "Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised. You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."
Store owner: "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred customers like you."
Two opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat.
After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?"
"Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby."