Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, a sales rep went to a psychiatrist. "I'll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind," said the shrink. "Just say 'one-two-three,' and you'll give the presentation of your life. However, do not say 'one-two-three-four,' because it will cause you to freeze up and make a fool of yourself."
The sales rep was ecstatic. He tried it at home and gave a fabulous presentation. He tried it at work with his co-workers, and got a standing ovation. Then came the big day. Everything was set up in the boardroom and the CEO signaled him to start. The sales rep whispered under his breath, "One-two-three."
Then the CEO asked, "What did you say 'one-two-three' for?"
A major speaker for the annual auto dealers convention was visiting the rest room just before he was to speak to the 10,000 members. He was asked, "Are you our special speaker?"
"Yes, I sure am and I am excited to be here," he replied.
"Are you nervous?"
"No, I'm never nervous before I give a big speech."
"If you are not nervous, then what are you doing in the ladies room?"
I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $35 apiece. I needed to step away for a bit so I asked him to watch them for me.
"Sure," he said, "but just in case someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"
"Try for more, but I will accept $20 each," I said, and left.
When I returned, my tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.
"Twenty dollars each."
"Who bought them?"