A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy, and irresistible to women you are?"
Totally flattered, he replied, "No dear, they haven't."
At that point she yelled, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
10. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
11. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. You can't remember who sent you this list.
A driver visiting a big city for the first time stopped at a red light. But when the light turned green, he stayed where he was.
After the light changed several more times and he still didn't move, a traffic cop ran over and inquired politely, "What's wrong? Don't we have any colors you like?"