On the farm where I was raised, home canning was a big thing. Most folks had a garden and ate out of it all summer, the surplus was put up in bottles for the winter.

The common saying was:
"WE EAT WHAT WE CAN, AND WHAT WE CAN'T, WE CAN."

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It's two gross!

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.

"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime.

Instead of making any official requests to the tower he said, "Guess who?"

The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?"