A young woman brings her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancé to his study for a chat.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.
"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancé.
Later, the mother asks, "So? What did you learn?”
He replies with a sigh, "He has no job, no savings, and no plans. But it's kind of nice how he refers to me as God."
John: Do you know how many children a family would have if the husband had to share in the labor and delivery?
Fred: No I have no idea.
John: They would only have three. The woman would have the first one, the husband the second and the wife would have the third. There would be no more because the husband has no intention of going through it again.
A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting. Suddenly, the mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "It's already 3 pm! I'm about to miss my train!"
She begins to put her coat on in a hurry. At this moment the son-in-law's six-year-old daughter runs up to her and before her dad can do anything, she says, "Don't hurry Granny, Daddy set the clock two hours ahead."